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GROUSE
Chapter Eight - LIES Part One.
---

Kara was in the briefing room, stood in front of the roster. Lee hesitated before crossing the threshold between them. She obviously would not understand his objections concerning Zak’s flight ability, nobody did. Lee was also aware that her involvement with his brother made it all the more difficult for her to ground him.

But that kid needed to be grounded!

“Starbuck,” he started hesitantly, never taking his eyes off her.

“CAG,” she grinned. “How can I help you?” she asked jokingly.

Lee inhaled deeply. “Actually there’s something you can do for me.” She rose her brows, amused. “Or rather-- explain.”

“Anything, Lee.” She leaned on the stand in a very inappropriate pose. Lee couldn’t help, but smile. He bowed his head to hide it, and when he looked up again, his eyes were perfectly somber.

“Tell me, how did Zak pass his basic flight?”

---

A few years ago, a much younger and much less experienced flight instructor Kara “Starbuck” Thrace celebrated her fiancé’s flight clearance. She celebrated with him, alright, though Zak seemed strangely quiet. She had the guilty feeling she knew what made him so thoughtful, so she gulped from her bottle of ambrosia and handed it over to him.

But instead of accepting the brew, he looked at her seriously.

“I want you to tell me the truth about something,” he said.

Kara sighed with annoyance. She knew what he wanted to know, of course she knew, that was why she made herself drunk.

“You passed,” she told him then, and she believed that. “By the skin of your teeth, but you passed.”

But he still gazed at her somberly. “I don't want any special treatment. Not from my father, and certainly not from you.”

“Zak,” she said angrily at that. “I am a flight instructor. I'm not going to send you to Vipers if I don't think you've got the chops. Okay?”

She believed it then. And a few years later she believed it even more.

---

“What do you want?” she lashed out at Captain Adama. “Gods, Apollo, what’s wrong with you?”

“I asked you a simple question, Kara.”

“He passed, okay? I don’t have his files here, so I can’t tell you how he did on which maneuvers. But they were okay enough. Gods!” she stomped off the room, leaving her Captain even more concerned.

But she was concerned as well. Not at first, not immediately, her initial reaction was anger, fury at Lee Adama. The asshole big brother of her boyfriend, who never believed in Zak’s abilities, who never valued Zak for anything at all.

Zak loved flying. The way he’d always talked about vipers, all the knowledge he’d had. From the start he’d been her best student, when it came to theory. She was so thrilled when she saw him in that front row a few days ago! She’d never understood his decision, all those years ago--

---

He was nervous that day, she could tell. She should have expected he was going to say something like that, from the way he opened the door for her when they were going out of the building. He’d never done something stupid like that, he’d known she’d blow up. Well she hadn’t blown up, too preoccupied with the memory of his tender, eager kisses earlier in the lift.

Zak was acting strangely all evening. Usually he was fun to be with, laughable, easy going, never intimidated. Much like her. That evening however he spilled the beer on her blouse, and instead of licking it off, blushed and attempted to wipe it off with a tissue. Then he asked her not to drink too much. Then -- Then! He asked her to dance to a slow, romantic song.

She should have known.

“Kara,” he begun when a delicate piano music started to flow. “You know how I feel about you?”

She didn’t know. She knew he liked spending time with her. She knew he liked having sex with her. But there was never a talk about any feelings!

“I--” he choke. “I love you.”

She was startled. She couldn’t speak. Love? Her? Kara Thrace?

“Will you marry me?”

She stopped. The music stopped, or so it seemed to her ears. The whole damn world stopped. There was only him, his face, his eager brown eyes.

And he wanted to marry her? Why?

“You don’t have to answer immediately.” He cast his eyes downward. “I understand if you need to think, I caught you by surprise--” She should have said something then. She should have interrupted, answer one way or another -- that she’d marry him or not, that she needed to think about it, or that she knew the answer already. But she didn’t know. And she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to think about it. She’d never been much of a thinker. So she stared at him like frozen, and he continued blabbering. She didn’t hear much until he said. “Since I wasn’t going to fly vipers anyway, I thought we could be together without worrying about frater--”

“You weren’t what?” she cut in, bewildered.

“I was--” he hesitated. “--going to resign.”

“You weren’t!”

“That’s why I wanted to ask you to marry me first. Damn!” He fell silent, then looked up at her, knowing very well she was already furious. “I didn’t want you to make the decision about us, influenced by that.”

“Like frak you didn’t!” she yelled then. “Gods, Zak, what’s gotten into you? You love flying! You said you’d give anything to fly a viper. Gods!” she threw up her hands. “I believed that! I wanted to give anything, too, I’ve taken a risk--” she stopped, realizing it would be saying too much; not drunk enough to cross all the lines. Swallowed. “And you’re rejecting it all now? Why? For what?”

“Because I don’t feel like I have the chops, Kara,” he said, and she didn’t think she got the correct answer.

---

“Zak?” she asked him years later, when he was her student once more.

He looked up from under the viper, smiling, “What is it, instructor? I think I still remember what cables go where, Chief says I’m the best of my class in theory. Not so much when it comes to practice,” he chuckled. “But I’ll get there too, with time”.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” she admitted, staring at the tips of her shoes.

He was silent for a moment, then, “Uh?” he said, his voice three tones lower, and as much more somber.

“You sure you wanna do this?” she asked, looking up at him, the hurt in his eyes just the punishment she deserved.

“Do I want to fly vipers?” he confirmed. “Do you really have to ask?”

“I don’t know,” she deflected his accusation. “Last we talked you were resigning, because you didn’t feel like it.”

“Because I felt like--” he cut mid-sentence. Then inhaled, held his breath, bracing for upcoming impact. “Like you passed me because we slept together,” he accused in a barely audible whisper. Of course he didn’t need any accidental witnesses of that exchange. Because if that became public knowledge--

Kara didn’t respond, only greeted her teeth, fuming wildly.

But he remembered--

---

“You weren’t what?” she cut him short, when he admitted he wasn’t going to fly vipers any more. “Gods, Zak, what’s gotten into you? You love flying!” she yelled “You said you’d give anything to fly a viper, and I believed that! I wanted to give anything, too, I’ve taken a risk--” she stopped then and it didn’t make much sense at the time, or maybe her questions, accusations a moment later, diverted his attention from that sentence, but deep down he always remembered what she’d said.

She’d taken a risk. If he needed any confirmation of his “not having the chops”, that was that. She’d taken a risk. She’d passed him, though he hadn’t been any good in the cockpit.

---

“You’re just out of practice,” she said in a calm voice, too calm for her. “You need to practice, and you’ll get there. You’ll fly as good as Rider or others.”

“But never as good as Lee,” he said softly too. “Apollo. Or you.”

Kara shrugged. “Who knows?--”

“I know.” Then-- “You spoke to him, didn’t you?” he squinted, and she gazed questioningly. “Lee,” he explained. “About how I’m not fit to fly a viper. It was him, he sowed that seed of doubt, didn’t he? I should have known!”

He punched the viper’s canopy. His brother was attempting to ruin his life once again.

But he couldn’t quite ignore the reality there. He knew before and he knew now why Kara passed him. Although it took another day, and another disastrous flight in which he mistook left with right and quite effectively attempted to ram in the Demetrius’ hull, to make him wake up and smell the coffee.

He went to his father, to hand him his resignation. But as he turned the last corner, and saw the marine standing guard out there, he hesitated, stopped, turned around and hid behind the corner. He couldn’t breathe. Looked at the paper and tore it in tiny pieces. Grasping them in his palm, he realized someone was coming. From the direction of his the Commander’s quarters. There was no escape, only hope it wasn’t him.

It was him.

“Zak,” the Commander smiled at the sight of his son. “I was thinking about you. Walk with me.” They were headed for the CIC. “So, how is it going with the flight course?”

Zak gazed at him; was that really possible that the Commander didn’t know?

“Okay,” the son replied through a clenched throat.

Bill Adama’s smile broadened.

“Son,” he patted Zak’s shoulder. “Have I ever told you how proud I am of you?” If Zak hadn’t known better, he’d say there were tears in the Old Man’s eyes.

Gods, yes you did! – he wanted to shout into his father’s face. Once!

“The Fleet needs the pilots,” the Commander continued unaware of his son’s thoughts. “Vipers, and humans in them, are the only thing between us and the cylons. I’m happy to see you as one of my pilots.”

Yes, William Adama had always dreamt that his sons would be like him one day. It was only proper for a loving father. That’s why the decision Zak made years ago, was such a blow for him.

---

They were standing there, both of them, in the living room as he entered. They must have stood up, hearing him come in through the front door. Both of them. They always sided together -- Zak and his mother.

“Did you talk him into this?” Bill seethed immediately as he’d seen them.

“No,” Carol Anne replied and the triumph was evident in her voice. “He’s got his own senses.”

“And those senses got him where!” Bill shouted. If there was a way to win Zak’s future for him, his father was willing to take all means necessary. “Do you realize, that you can’t just sign out of the military? That if you make a commitment, you have to stick to it? He might go to prison for that!” The threat had an effect. Carol Anne paled and looked at her younger son. With all her knowledge of the military, that one she didn’t anticipate.

“Is that true?” she asked. Then turned to Lee, who stood behind the Commander’s back, and asked again, louder, “Is that true?”

Both her and Zak looked at Lee, and William turned also. Lee was already opening his mouth when their eyes met, and the younger man changed his mind.

“The trainings cost a lot,” he said softly, barely above a whisper, looking straight at his father. “And the Headquarters need a guarantee they’ll get their money back.” Bill gritted his teeth. That was not the statement he was expecting from Lee, but had Lee ever supported him? No! Lee shrugged. “That’s the truth. He has to pay them back. And yes,” he turned to Carol Anne and Zak, “ if he doesn’t pay, he’ll be held in custody.”

“Well I’m not going to pay,” Bill stated through the clenched teeth. “That’s for certain!”

---

He never paid. He was never even interested where they got the money from eventually, because they did. They had enough for Zak to take up law collage in fact -- one of the best on Caprica, the Plato Law School. But Bill hadn’t asked any questions, too hurt, too bewildered with his son’s decision. He’d been certain Zak loved flying and he couldn’t, for the love of gods, understand why he decided to resign.

He was glad Zak changed his mind now, and joined the squad. Whatever objections Lee had about his little brother flying, were not confirmed by the flight instructor, so all was for the best.

Except for one thing -- the flight instructor herself.

“Zak,” Bill started, unsure for a moment, but then he realized he was the Commander, he had to keep the guard of the rules on the Galactica. “Zak, about you and Kara.”

Zak looked up, already understanding what that would be about.

“Frat policy,” he spat.

“That’s right, son,” Bill tried to sound compassionate. “I know how you two feel about each other, and I’m sorry--”

“Unnecessarily,” Zak cut in, head bowed. “I think -- I think maybe that wouldn’t be bad after all.” He gazed up again, his dark eyes even darker with emotion. “I’ll end it with her.”

With that he turned away and walked quickly down the corridor, head bowed, fists clenched tightly at his sides.

His father watched him for a moment, not realizing that in those fists, soaked with the young man’s sweat, was his son’s another resignation.

But Zak wasn’t going to resign this time, not anymore. He loved flying. Perhaps Lee was right, perhaps he’d wanted to become a pilot to please their father, but after he’d tried that, he wanted to do it for himself. He was ready to give up Kara for that, he really was. As stunning as the thought was, he knew this was a necessary sacrifice. Always the most religious of their family, though maybe not as religious as Kara, this time he thought that if he made this sacrifice, the gods would smile upon him, and grant him their bounty.

---
t.b.c.