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27 October 2007 @ 04:31 pm
I need help!  
I need help. I don’t know what to write. I have two stories that demand to be written, but none of them is really ready for that. And none if them is MORE ready than the other. These are both original stories, with original characters, and I have first few pages of each written. But I’ll post two really short pieces here, and I ask you to tell me which one looks more promising. 
 
The Sun Shines in the Center of the Dominia
 
Kuo-Shi-Meng meant Thy, Who Dreams of a Larger Life.
It was the name given to the Domine’s daughter at the age of seven. It was envisioned by the prophet and written down in the Volumes of Time. Along with her full family name and tittles -- such as the Seed of the Brightest Joy or the Leaf of a Golden Grapevine -- it was used during the official ceremonies and rituals.
But on the regular day she was simply called Kesime. Or better yet -- Kes. Of course only by those who were allowed to use the name of One of the Fiery Blood. Too little of them, if anyone asked her. She liked calling people by name, and liked them calling hers. She found names -- and their meanings -- very important. But most of the people in the Hidden Palace called her with those weird, fantabulous and overegzaggerated tittles.
She was seventeen, far too bright for a woman -- or rather a girl -- her age, and unabated sometimes to the point of insubordination. Her caregivers cried with worry, her teachers praised her talents, her servants loved her, mothers were concerned, brothers laughed, and her father chose to ignore her. She was none to ignore him and his decisions though. He was the most important person in the whole Dominia, and what he did influenced everybody’s life. Even if it was a choice between a cereal and bread with butter for breakfast.
But the decision he’d made only five days ago -- of which Kesime found out this morning -- was much much more important. And she detested it heartily.
The great Domine consented to the advice of his Minister of Interplanetary Acquaintances and chose to marry the daugter of the Cenzor of Dilan, Simon Grand, the Duke Serpent. Rationally speaking, there was nothing wrong with the idea. The Domine only had three wives -- which by comparison to his Grandfather, the Mighty Life Giver, was a really pale achievement -- and the fact that Audrey Grand the Serpent-Kan was the age of the Domine’s daughter could not be an argument against her either. But Kesime desperatelly tried to find a way to convince her father to forestall such terrible mistake.
 
 
Choice
 
Cornelius Cartwright couldn’t complain about his life. He had a roof over his head; he head four walls that protected him from the wind; and he was safe from the people who might want to hurt him. He had enough food, and he was healthy. The latter was especially appreciated in light of the loads of pain and illness he now witnessed every day.

Truth was, he’d witnessed it since childhood, being the Doctor’s son.

But now it was different; he was more than a mere passive observer. Now he was in the middle of the affairs. And it didn’t make him happy.

No, he didn’t want to complain. He was in far better shape than this poor fellow, who’s leg Doctor Cartwright had just amputated. Even if witnessing the operation had vastly shaken the young apprentice. He’d held that leg, until the weight suddenly shifted, and the thing fell to the floor, disembodied.

Thomas Cartwright shot his son a glare that would turn the young man into a pile of ashes if looks could burn. Then he said, “It’s still a piece of human body. Treat it with respect.” And he returned to cauterizing the wound.

That was when Cornelius vomited. He returned to his job a minute later, lightheaded, on the verge of nausea, nearly crying over his many misfortunes. At that moment he’d even take the miserable life of a private over this. The life that he’d run away from faster, than he’d gone there, a few months prior. Then he remembered, as always, the reasons for his desertion. Not formal; formally he’d been declared unfit for duty, due to an injury, but still it had been a desertion in his own mind, and, he assumed, in his father’s as well. The reasons had been simple; he’d been beaten half to death, and had been to scared to return and face the man who had done this to him. So instead he’d returned to the father he so desperately needed to be independent from.

(Oh, and if someone minds the last name of the character from this piece, please, tell me so. ;)


 
 
Current Mood: confused
 
 
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空に向かって見るジェシー[info]skygawker on October 27th, 2007 04:41 pm (UTC)
Oh, difficult. Hmmm. But...I think I'll flip your coin to the second one. Something about that particular character's angst grabbed me.

Do tell me what you decide. :)
olga[info]o_yannik on October 27th, 2007 04:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :)

I'm more inclined toward the second one, but it's HUGE. Another-Huge-Project! *banghead* While the first one is a novelette, would be a nice filler while I prepare myself for the next round. That I'm really going to take seriously. Oh well, I could write a semi-detailed outline of the AHP, right?... 0_0
Caspian Gray[info]caspiangray on October 27th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC)
I also like the second one better. Since you asked, though, I do think "Cornelius Cartwright" sounds a bit whimsical. Which is fine, if this is meant for kids or is going to deliberately head into fairy tale territory, but otherwise is a bit distracting. (Do you write YA? I don't actually know--sorry if that makes me a jackass.)
olga[info]o_yannik on October 27th, 2007 06:50 pm (UTC)
Actually I'm aiming for "this poor guy, his life is so hard, and on top of that he has this horrible name".

(No offence [info]suffolkgirl, it's the combination of the first name - last name that sounds bad ;)

Thanks for your input though, it adds some vague something to the characterisation, even if I can't quite tell what yet. :)
suffolkgirl[info]suffolkgirl on October 27th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC)
Well of course I like the second one just because you used my name. :D

Seriously, though - I like the character of Cornelius in the second one, interesting backstory and of course the father issues - a favourite subject!

The first one - the world you describe sounds interesting, but I wasn't hooked into the story, but I think that was because you didn't say why the heroine's father marrying this woman would be such a disaster. I needed to know what evil the heroine is fighting to prevent. (I'm assuming her objection is more than just not liking the woman).
olga[info]o_yannik on October 27th, 2007 07:02 pm (UTC)
Thanks for approval of the choice of the name. I chose Cornelius first and then I needed something starting with a "C" and sounding "complicated" if you know what I mean. Thought I heard it somewhere, and then I remembered. :)

As for the second story - well the heroine doesn't like the marriage because she's a "spoiled brat", but then it turns out she was right, and it's all going to end in a disaster that only she can see looming over the kingdom.

No, I think it's obvious that I can't write this one yet.
Claire[info]unforth on October 28th, 2007 04:26 am (UTC)
I'm gonna go ahead and chime in for the second one. They both sound interesting, but I like historical type things more than science-fiction type things. Not a very good reason, I suppose. :)

And I feel clueless - what's wrong with Cartwright?

Good luck!
olga[info]o_yannik on October 28th, 2007 06:14 am (UTC)
Nothing's WRONG. It's the name of the girl who commented right above you, and the question was actually to her. I know, I'm unnecessairly cryptic. The good thing is, I'm not doing much cryptic writing in my prose any more.
ammonite7[info]ammonite7 on October 29th, 2007 05:56 pm (UTC)
I like the second one, more angst right off the bat, I guess. Although the first sounds like it might be an interesting world. Then I thought, combine them - the two main characters? Silly maybe. Cartwright made me think of the old TV show, Bonanza, but that would go away if his character came on strong further along in the novel. If the name is important, keep looking until one rings true.
olga: Archie[info]o_yannik on October 30th, 2007 10:34 am (UTC)
First, I'm a cryptic dumbass, and the question about the name was actually to [info]suffolkgirl as her last name is Cartwright. *hammer-head* And it actually is perfect for this character, I just needed Helen's approval.

Second, combining the stories and characters is impossible at this stage. :) Both worlds are fully developed already, characters for each story as well. And you thought about Bonanza, when in fact it started as... a Hornblower fanfic. But then it grew and now has a life of it's own.